


Why Is It That I always Do Things Wrong?

by myspookyjoshdunchristmas



Series: (Joshler) It's Angsty And Just Gets Worse [4]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Blood, Clique - Freeform, Criticism, Crying, Deameaning, Hurt, Just done with everything, Loneliness, M/M, Not in the mood for writing, Pain, Self-Harm, This is probably my last one ever, Verbal Abuse, shouting, tragic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-09-15 19:32:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9252611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myspookyjoshdunchristmas/pseuds/myspookyjoshdunchristmas
Summary: Josh is in lots of pain.Tyler just thinks he's an attention seeker.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know where to begin. I'm just done I'm done. And truth be told I don't know what I've done. All my motivation has gone down the shit. 
> 
> I know you're reading this and I know you're laughing, I'm this close, very very close.

Josh is on stage, drumming away, Tyler is singing his heart out, strumming away at his little ukulele that his fans adore.

He has a huge smile, he loves the clique so much, he appreciates every single fan for who she or he is.

They're all amazing people.

Tyler loves to impress them and give them his all at live shows and concerts, so he doesn't appreciate it, one bit, when Josh hits a wrong note on his drum kit.

Josh tries his best, his arms are shaking, his body is sweating, it's midnight and Josh has been up since 3am.

He knows he's done wrong and that Tyler knows, he's never going to let him hear the end of it.

So they continue the concert, Josh trying his utmost best not to do anything wrong. It works out, but theres a few minor mistakes that Tyler would sure criticise.

Josh says his goodbyes to the fans and exits off the stage. Tyler stays for a while and says a few words. 

The pink haired boy runs into his dressing room and locks the door behind him.

He has done wrong and Tyler will let him know.

Josh is still shaking and then instantly breaks into tears.

He doesn't like the talks that Tyler gives him, they're so demeaning and so confidence crushing, he wishes he could run away and hide, but it wouldn't stop Tyler finding him.

Josh loves Tyler so much, the two were an item and the fans didn't know it. 

But Josh wasn't even sure whether this was a relationship at all.

There was no understanding, no comfort, trust, you could say love but it wasn't really romantic.

There were times where Josh felt as if Tyler wanted him to slip up, just so he could give him a piece of his mind.

For example, during rehearsal, when Josh's trumpet part came up, Tyler just stared intently at Josh's parts and licked his lips, he had some sort of sexual face on. Josh's cheeks turned pink and he hit some bad notes.

And that's when Tyler's motor mouth went off and didn't stop until Josh was pale, cold and lost for words. 

"What's wrong with you Josh? Why do you always mess up for? Why must you do everything wrong? Have you done anything right in your life? This is why I'm the head of this band, you would lead us to failure. You're useless, honestly I could name ten other drummers better than you. Have you never realised why you're not drummer of the year?" 

Tyler bombards and scoffs.

Josh is looked down towards the floor already feeling worthless.

|-/ \\-|

Josh began crying in his dressing room, head in his hands, tears flowing all over the place.

Josh slipped up with good reason.

The cut on his stomach had torn open as did the ones on his wrists.

He lifted up his black shirt and saw the blood spread underneath. The cut was still leaking droplets of blood, down to his pants. 

Josh threw off his shirt and began to wipe furiously at the cut and then his arms which stung so much and also bled.

He didn't know how to cope with sadness, anger and the void of love. Was Josh supposed to beat people up? Was he supposed to drink it all away? Demean people the way Tyler did? 

Josh started cutting not long ago. He made so many incisions on his arms and abdomen and thighs. That's why he stopped performing shirtless, he doesn't care how sweaty he got, no one in the world deserved to know what was going on with him.

One of his roadies knew. She was a very close friend of Josh. She knew what Tyler was like.

The only way Josh opened up to her was by making her promise that she wouldn't tell anyone about his situation, especially Tyler.

His escape was then taken from him when Tyler noticed he was spending too much time with her.

"What's your problem? Why aren't you doing your job roadie? Why are you distracting Josh from his work? Can I please get security here?" 

And with that, his friend was fired on the spot and Josh only blames himself. If he didn't go around and play the victim, she would still have her job and from what Josh knew, she had it pretty rough too.

He never heard from her ever since.

That aside, Josh cleaned up the scars and slipped the shirt back on, not to raise any suspicion. It's not as if Tyler would notice anyway. 

Josh let his beating heart slow down for a moment before hearing Tyler's criticisms. 

There's a knock at the door and that's when his heart goes crazy, it begins to beat like someone is holding a gun to his face.

He knows its just Tyler but their relationship had come to this. 

Cutting and fear.

"It's Tyler." He says on the other side.

Josh hesitates to unlock the door but does it. His hand shakes on the door knob. 

The door opens to reveal an unamused Tyler. Seriousness is written all over his face.

He steps in as Josh moves aside.

"Shut the door." He instructs.

Josh obediently shuts it  and continues facing that direction.

Tyler scoffs and begins.

"What's your problem Joshua?" He begins, shooting lasers into Josh's back.

The pink haired male can feel them.

"I-I dunno w-what y-you mean." Josh said in his shaky voice.

"Oh you don't know what I mean? How many times have I heard that stupid line? Are you stupid Josh? Do you need to be so fucking useless at our shows?" Tyler growls, fed up with his bandmate. 

"Can't you at least try? You don't seem to realise how much these people pay and how much effort they make to come and see us play. They work so hard, why can't you make that effort? At least give them what they want? Look this isn't about you all the time, you can't act like a silly little child to get what you want." 

He's trying so hard to keep the tears and the sobs back, this lecture isn't helping him at all.

"You know what it is Josh, you're just fucking selfish. You only think about yourself. You know why I fired that roadie? To teach you a lesson. Your slacking off and fucking about has consequences, so she had to go."

No, he can't hold it back.

Josh begins sobbing into his hands, Tyler still looking at him. 

"Oh is this how it is? You're gonna cry to get what you want? You're not even going to try..?" Tyler asks and scoffs, no hints of sympathy in his voice.

"Crying is going to get you nowhere. Those crocodile tears won't work with me. Now you better clean up your act Joshua, stop being a spoilt little bitch. The world doesn't revolve around you, and truth be told I'm sick of you." 

With that being said, Tyler shoves Josh out of the way and exits his room.

Josh continues to wail, hands tugging on his hair and falling to his knees.

When did it come to this? Why did it come to this?

Josh was in pieces, he had no one to talk to, no one to turn to. 

He curled into a ball, tears soaking his face, neck and shirt, eyes turning a dark red.

Josh shivered and thought about all the things Tyler has ever said to him. Like a never ending record player everything repeated inside his mind.

It needed to stop.

Finding whatever strength he had left, Josh tried to lift himself up, remembering the blades he kept with him just in case.

Absent mindedly, he got to his bag and searched through this things after standing up.

The metals were there, mocking him and crying out to him. He wanted to feel that pain on his body again and not in his heart nor mind.

Josh grabbed them and thought twice about what he was going to do. Who it was going to effect.

No one cared about him at the end of the day. 

No one would miss him either.

Tyler convinced him enough that the clique don't come to see him perform anyway. 

Josh was always going to be alone.

With those sour thoughts whizzing through his mind and the blades in his hands, Josh trudged into his bathroom.

And locked the door after himself.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm feeling shit because I've shut out everyone in college. I have to go there tomorrow and ignore everyone's "moody" and "stop being annoying" comments and the "just go away" shit. 
> 
> The way they just think they know me and that we're close as anything were really not and I know frauds when I see them. I'm tired of my teachers asking me if I'm okay.
> 
> I've run out of credit so I can't talk to my friends. I feel alone and stuff, I love to update and write and keep people entertained.
> 
> But today was the last straw for everything. I don't come to archive to read other peoples abuse. I barely know anyone here and I just get bashed on like I'm a horrible human being. 
> 
> I was told that my work is bull shit and inappropriate. So why is it when I do write something it's always wrong?
> 
> I can't take that. I'm fucking done with everyone picking on me and faking around me like I don't notice it. I'm not a fucking rock I have a heart, I'm a human and I feel it all.
> 
> So thank you so very fucking much for your poisonous comments, because you made me take one more step into a fucked up decision. 
> 
> And anyone else, don't expect anything from me anymore. I thought archive was a place I could escape to, to avoid this harsh world, but I was obviously wrong.
> 
> And I know you're laughing.


End file.
